Prices

Every figure Monster Cleaning Catford charges is on this page. None of it is held back for the phone call and your postcode is not one of the inputs, so a room of carpet costs the same in a terrace off Brownhill Road as it does in a semi on the estate at Downham. If a job looks out of the ordinary you will be told while you are still making up your mind, not after a van has parked outside.

End of tenancy, by bedroom count

Read the band off the bedroom count on your own agreement. It is agreed before a date goes in the diary and no clock runs against it, which puts the risk of a slow afternoon on us instead of on you. Loft rooms let as bedrooms push the band up. Bathrooms never do, whatever number the property has. The cooker never sits inside the figure. It is a separate line at £31, lower than the oven prices below, so a three bedroom house with a 90cm range comes to £370. Floors are always counted apart, and the end of tenancy page explains why that is fairer than folding them in. Anything an inventory clerk queries within 48 hours is redone for nothing.

Carpets and rugs

Two hours before socks, most of a day before the sofa goes back on it. A front and back room opened into one bills once, as a through lounge. Carpeted halls are £22 and landings £9, both worked with the small tool rather than long passes of the wand. Rugs get done where they lie, and a rug on top of fitted carpet is lifted out and charged on its own instead of disappearing into the room rate. Drying and stain care are covered on the carpet page.

The line people forget is the staircase

A Corbett terrace has one flight climbing straight off the front door, and a great many gained a second when somebody took the loft. Each flight is £41 and each landing a separate £9. Add that up honestly on a three bedroom terrace with the loft done, at the lower rates carpets get alongside a move-out: bedrooms £87, hall £20, through lounge £47, two flights £70 and two landings £16, which is £240 sitting next to a £339 band. Hardly any household does the lot in one go. What actually gets booked most often through the winter is a hall and one flight, £63 and so billed at the £67 minimum, once the paths across Ladywell Fields have gone to mud. Three flights is normal up the hill in SE23, and with a landing on each the stairs alone reach £150 there. Stairs cost what they cost because every riser and every spindle is hand work, and that takes longer than an empty bedroom floor.

Ovens and appliances

One appliance, one figure. A single oven with a grill box over it is still a single. A double counts once. Anything that lifts out rides to the heated tank in the van and everything fixed is worked by hand at the worktop, with no caustic product used and nothing left behind to burn off, so the cooker will do your dinner. The £143 AGA must be completely cold on arrival, so switch it off the night before and book a day ahead. Ranges show up far more in the Edwardian houses around Culverley Green and in the bigger villas up the hill than they do in a flat conversion. The £28 extractor earns its money hardest in the small kitchens above the shops, where the hood recirculates into the room and puts grease on the ceiling. Self-cleaning liners never go in the tank, and the oven page covers the full process.

Housework, hour by hour

A standing booking never runs into the £67 floor; its own floor is three hours a visit. Ironing at £12 an hour is added on top of the cleaning hours, so the kitchen keeps its time. Round here the bathroom is what really decides how long a visit needs, not the number of bedrooms, and that is down to the water rather than to anything you have or have not done. What each length of visit covers is on the regular cleaning page.

Team deep cleans

Each row is £26 a cleaner hour with £30 of kit added once, and a floor of two people for three hours. Smallest booking £186, biggest £498. Leave your own vacuum and products out and the £30 disappears. Finish ahead of the clock and you are billed for hours worked rather than hours booked. A pair over six hours and three people over four are the same £342, so the choice there is about how long you want the house occupied. On a narrow terrace two is often quicker than three, because the hall is the only route between rooms and a third person spends the morning queueing in it. Where the hours actually go is described on the deep clean page.

Sofas, chairs, mattresses and curtains

Charged by the item, never against a clock. Curtains stay on the pole while they are cleaned so nothing rides up off the sill, and the long drops come mainly off the tall first floor windows in the Edwardian houses. There is no printed rate past a two seater, since the fabric, the arm shape and whether the back cushions come off decide between an hour and an afternoon. Say what you have and a figure follows. Leather sees no machine at all: a cleaner, then a conditioner, both applied by hand.

The £67 floor on one off work

Nearly every booking sails past it. The ones that do not are single small items. A bedroom carpet is £36, an armchair £33, a mattress or a small rug £35, a hob £23, an extractor £28. Booked on its own, any one of those bills at £67. Hourly housework is exempt from the rule entirely, so three weekly hours really is £69 and nothing more. Put two small items into the same morning and the floor is met once across the pair, which drops that bedroom carpet back to £36.

Included in every figure

Descaling, which on this water is a large part of what cleaning a bathroom means. The minutes spent carrying kit the length of a hall and back out again, or up a staircase to a flat over the shops. A blower left running on a damp ground floor. One rate from 8am to 7pm across all seven days. And a return visit inside 48 hours where an inventory clerk has picked fault with something we cleaned.

Parking

Where a street charges for parking, it is passed on at actual cost and only where it is needed, as our terms set out.

One list across SE6, SE13, SE23 and BR1

It holds everywhere the van goes: Hither Green, Bellingham, Rushey Green, Ladywell, Forest Hill and Downham. Crossing into Bromley changes nothing on the list. What each place tends to book is on the areas page, opening hours are on the contact page, and 020 3129 2846 reaches a person from 8am to 7pm daily.

Questions we get asked

Do Saturdays or evenings cost more?

No. A Saturday is the same money as a Tuesday, evening slots run at the ordinary rate, and the printed figure is what you pay.

How do I pay?

Card or bank transfer, and Visa, Mastercard and Amex are all taken. Weekly households usually settle by transfer at the end of each month and landlords and agents are invoiced.

Can the figure change once you have seen the place?

Only where the property is materially different from the one described on the phone, and you would hear that before any cloth came out of the van. Normal wear and tear never shifts a band. The two lines genuinely outside it are the floors and the cooker, whether it was left for years or wiped last week.

Is a house on the Corbett Estate priced differently?

No. Two bedrooms is £243 whether the way in is a long hall with the stairs rising off the front door or a side gate straight through to the back. The layout decides how the morning is planned and how much floor protection comes off the van. It has never decided a price.

What is the smallest job you take?

Any size at all, though the £67 floor on one off work means a bedroom carpet at £36 or a hob at £23 booked alone still bills at £67. Two small items in one morning meet the floor once between them. Hourly housework has no such minimum, just a shortest visit of three hours.